Helping Someone I Know

When someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, it can be difficult to know what to say or do. You may want to fix the situation or convince them to leave, but meaningful support often begins with something simpler: believing them, listening, and reminding them that they do not have to face the situation alone.

Listen Without Judgment

Give them space to talk without criticizing their choices or telling them what they “should” do. Leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated and may involve safety, financial, housing, family, or other concerns that are not immediately visible to you. Listen, take their concerns seriously, and let them remain in control of their own decisions.

Ask How You Can Help

Instead of assuming what they need, ask. Support might mean providing transportation, watching children or pets, storing important belongings, helping gather documents, offering a safe place to make a phone call, or simply being available when they need someone to talk to. When appropriate, you can also help them connect with a domestic violence advocate who can discuss options and safety planning.

Help Them Think About Safety

If the person wants help preparing for an emergency, you can support them in identifying safe places, trusted people they can contact, important items they may need, or a code word they can use when they need assistance. Avoid taking actions on their behalf that could increase danger without first discussing it with them.

Keep the Door Open

Support should not depend on whether someone leaves the relationship—or stays away after leaving. A survivor may leave and return more than once, withdraw from loved ones, or make decisions you do not understand. Continuing to be a safe, steady, nonjudgmental presence can help preserve an important connection that abuse may have worked to weaken.

Remember: You Can Make a Difference

You do not need to be an expert to support someone experiencing domestic violence. Believe them. Respect their choices. Help when you can. Learn about domestic violence and the challenges survivors may face. Most importantly, remind them through your words and actions that support is still available when they are ready to reach for it.

Want to learn more? Watch I Know Someone Being Abused, What Should I Do? for additional guidance on understanding what a survivor may be facing and how you can respond in a supportive way.